Hey mama don’t stress your mind
We ain’t coming home tonight
Hey mama, we gonna be alright
Dry those eyes
We’ll be back in the morning
When the sun starts to rise
So mama don’t stress your mind
– Mama, Jonas Blue –
Thank you very much, Mr. Blue for writing this song. It cheers me up every time I hear it. It gives me the reassurance that in the end everything will be alright. And really, believe it or not, as a mom I need that sometimes. You see, I’m that kind of mama who lies awake at night waiting for her children to climb up the stairs and whisper: ‘I’m home mama, sleep tight!’. I don’t think I’m the only one.
I wonder do you have children of your own Mr. Blue? And particularly a daughter? I don’t think so, otherwise you wouldn’t have said it so easily, that I shouldn’t stress my mind. Well I can tell you, Mr. Blue, that is easier said than done, because Mr. Blue, that’s about all you do having children. You stress your mind!
From the day they were born up until now they completely turn your life upside down. If they’re in pain, you are. If they feel alright, you do. Suddenly you feel a lot of responsibility.
So Mr. Blue when you tell me that they are going to be alright, that they will be back in the morning when the sun starts to rise, I know you’re right, but there’s always a little chance something bad happens and I will not be there to help them, to protect them.
On the other hand I know that every year they grow older you have to let them go, little by little, and how hard it is letting them go. They don’t only grow in height, weight and in age but also in their minds and they seem to need us a little less every day and when they do need you, it’s in a different way.
They need your advice, sometimes your opinion and even then they make their own choices. Just as they should. But for me as a mother it’s scary to let them go.
And then suddenly the moment is here. This week our daughter will left the house to do an internship at a pretty large soccer club in the eastern part of the Netherlands. Our son started at a new school and will be gone every three weeks. This is going to be the year I literally have to let them go. And you know: I know they will be all right…..
You see, Nelson Mandela told me in a poem, just as you did with your song:
To let go doesn’t mean to stop caring: it means I can’t do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off;
it is the realization that I can’t control another.
To let go is not to enable,
but to allow learning from natural consequences. To let go is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another;
I can only change myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging outcomes, but to allow others to effect their own outcomes.
To let go is not to be protective;
it is to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny, but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and to cherish the moment.
To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone, but to try to become what I dream I can be. To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more.
On the other hand seeing them grow up to be confident individuals makes me proud. I am proud of who they are and what they do.
This summer I had a little preview of how it’s going to be when we are no longer living under the same roof. I don’t think I will suffer from an empty nest syndrome but I will certainly miss them. I will miss having them around me for they and their friends bring so much joy.
I love it when they bring home their friends. We sit around the dinner table with something to drink and a snack and talk about all kinds of subjects.
It’s the talking that makes those moments so precious. Me and my husband hear a lot of what’s keeping them busy and I can tell you it’s not only about boys and girls, going out, make-up, clothes and money. A lot of serious topics are discussed. They actually start thinking about their future.
They let us listen to their music and we let them listen to our music. Some of our songs come back in a rather modern versions which, according to them, is much better. Mostly we don’t agree.
And at the end of the evening, early in the night, they go out and we go to bed, because they are young and we are a little bit older……
And every morning as the sun starts to rise they will be back. Thank you Mr. Blue for your confirmation!
For you see: To let go is to fear less and love more.